Day 13: Mama Says Watch Your Mouth!!!

So, I was listening to the radio on my way to the car wash today and Akon’s song I Wanna F[iretru]ck You came on the radio.  Have you ever listened to the words to that song?!?!  Well, as I did I started thinking, “What girl in their right mind thinks this song is a turn-on”???  What about “I Wanna F[iretru]ck You” coming out of a strangers mouth makes one want to stop swinging on their pole and hop on a penis?!?!  AND when is this song appropriate to play for a woman?!?!?!?  As I played different scenarios in my head of an acceptable time (or activity) when this song would be appropriate for the average couple to fornicate to, another very confusing song came on the radio…Get Low by Lil Jon.  Why are B[rit]ches crawling from the window to the wall?!?!?!?!?  Why is sweat dripping down his balls?!?!?!?  When is this song appropriate to listen to when you are trying to set the mood…or anytime for that matter?!?!  AND what man is saying this stuff to his woman?!?!  I am just baffled!  However, sadly, I guarantee if you walk into any club this summer you will hear both of these songs and you will see women grinding their butts into a man’s business while the songs are being played…there is so much wrong with that I don’t even know where to start…or if I will cover it all.

Let’s start here…If the song is speaking of a women performing a prostitute-like act (without receiving payment or while recieving payment), WHY are you grinding your business into someone else’s business while it’s playing???  You are reinforcing the acceptance of YOU being devalued as a woman.  I’m not trying to start a new women’s rights movement; I’m just saying you’re NOT going to get respect acting like a hooker! AND that’s the wrong way to get a man’s attention!!!  (Unless you are just looking for a one night stand or booty-call.  If so by all means be an unpaid hooker...or paid hooker.  Whatever floats your boat).  I have news for those of you who do this…the man that you meet during this song, the one you’re grinding your business on, is a PLAYA!!! He IS gonna f[iretru]ck you, then LEAVE YOU and I DARE you to cry about it!!!

Also, HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR YOURSELF!!! I’m sorry but if I hear “all you b[rit]ches crawl”  I’m not going to be dancing and grinding with ANY man.  I am for beaver dam sure NOT gonna be crawling anywhere!  If I did, I would CUUUUUTTTTT someone for addressing me as a b[rit]ch while I was doing it!!!

Ending on a good note…if you are in need of a romantic voice to help you in the OR into the sack, try using your own voice instead of degrading music.  If you are too embarrassed to speak then don’t speak at all!!!  I guarantee you’ll get better results with no words at all than listening to an “ex-dealer who used to move amphetamines” or someone saying “drop dat [p]ass to the floor, who scared, you scared”.  Moral of the story, RESPECT yourself so others will too!!! XOXO! Chat soon!

Mama's Better

I am finally well! Praise the LORD! 

My kidney infection was accompanied by a pancreas and lung infection...which sucked really bad. My house is a wreck and the laundry is piled to my ears. :(

Ending on a good note:  I am feeling better.  Enough said!

Mama Got Sick... :(

I SOoOoOo apologize for my recent absence to blog world...in addition to an extremely busy week I managed to end up in the hospital yesterday with a kidney infection and some unresolved, undiagnosed lung issues…

Just so all of you Mamas out there know...the symptoms of a kidney infection can onset suddenly!  I mean within an hour!!! SERIOUSLY!  When the symptoms make their appearance you feel like you have been hit by a Mac truck traveling full speed ahead at 75 mph!!! After a 5 hour stay in the ER, (not so bad I think), I was able to return home, on a butt-load of medications with instructions to "rest"...whatever that is with four children and a husband...

That being said I am going to “rest” for the remainder of the evening (mostly because it is bed-time for my children and I will have the chance to rest).  Just to reassure all of you (including my dear friend Mrs. NW), I have been making notes day by day to ensure I have real-life material to fill you in on.

Ending on a good note...I am thankful that every stay I have had in a hospital, in my adult life, I have been accompanied by my husband.  He has been there holding my hand, running his fingers through my hair, making me smile, while taking on the role of my health advocate since we got married 10 years ago.  I’m not quite sure how I got so lucky to find him so early in my life, but I’m thankful I did.  I hope all of you have someone who does the same for you!  If you don’t, I’m absolutely positive you will find them soon!  Thank you all for continuing to follow my blog!!! Chat soon! J

I love you B!!! You are my favorite man in the world!

Day 12: Middle-Class Mama Has An “Ah ha” Moment!

Today I sat outside my lab instructor’s office waiting to meet with her when a classmate from last semester came and sat next to me.  He was waiting to meet with her too.  Him and I have the same major, have taken a lot of classes together, and are due to graduate around the same time.  I asked him when he was graduating because I knew it should be soon.  He said, “Yup, I graduate in May. You?”  I replied, “December, I keep putting it off”.  He said he has been doing the same and asked me why I have been delaying graduating.  I replied, “I guess I just don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.  I wish I could be a professional college student”.  He chuckled and said, “I don’t know what I want to do either”.  We sat in silence for a few minutes.  Then he said, “I think you should be a teacher…a college professor.  You would be good at that”. 

Ah ha...

When I started my college career my intention was to be an elementary school teacher.  However, my internship experience quickly changed my mind.  After that horrid experience, I felt drawn to the social sciences (psychology and social work) and decided to pursue a degree in one of those fields instead.  I am very happy with my choice of major but sometimes I still have the urge to pursue teaching.  Usually when I have those urges I take a good look at high school students and the urges quickly pass.  I would love to reach others within my chosen profession on a grand scale.  I don’t want to be stuck at the department of social services as a caseworker all my life nor do I want to be stuck in a lab analyzing data searching for a small sign of some significant finding to publish in an article.  How better to reach others than to teach masses of college students?  Then, I could be a career college student! AND my kids could go to college for free!!! HOLLA…WHOOP, WHOOP…and the cabbage patch and such!!!

AH HA!!!

As I said, I am scheduled to graduate with a bachelor's degree in the fall.  If I took a couple of classes over the summer I could graduate before.  I’m not quite sure I’m that motivated.  After looking into this whole “teaching college” thing I know I still have a long way to go (about four years).  However, I now have a plan with a goal and I am headed in the right direction.  Thanks to a fellow student who was able to see the path I was traveling down before I did.    

Ending on a good note…to all you middle-class mamas out there that have NO IDEA where you are headed, other than to the car-rider line and lacrosse practice like me, keep your eyes and ears open for your “ah ha” moment.  It can be presented by anyone, anywhere at any time. 

Day 11: Good Friends Are Hard To Find!

Happy Monday folks!  I apologize for being silent this weekend; I had a weekend full of evening/late-night birthday celebrations!  Oh, what fun I had! 

One of the parties I attended was a surprise 40^th birthday celebration for a very dear friend.  I stressed for a week over what I was going to wear to the function…  Should I dress cute casual?  Should I dress business casual?  Should I dress cocktail party dressy?  Overwhelmed by all the stress of picking the best ensemble to wear and after my husband’s request of, “umm…could you dress up…you know, dress up, not like a homely house-mom for a change” (yes, he really said that), I decided to do all of the above!  I wore a nude colored floral print cocktail dress with a cute casual nude colored half leather jacket and nude colored business casual peep toe shoes with a little 4 inch glittery gold hooker pizazz.  Just to add a little “homely house-mom” to the mix I bought a pair of spandex shorts to wear under my dress.  (Take that hubby)!  I was uncomfortable (except for the shorts) but cute!

Now down to the party!  It began with a shouted “SURPRISE” for the birthday boy, after that there were HAPPY children who were running, laughing and playing.  Then we all gathered together, sat and enjoyed EXCELLENT food, GREAT wine, and the company of WONDERFUL friends. 

As I sat, reveling in my food and wine while chatting with my friends, it dawned on me how lucky I am.  I am so lucky to be surrounded by wonderful women who are truly honest and loving friends.  There is no competition between us.  If one is succeeding the others are truly happy.  If one is in need of support the others are there to give it by any means necessary.  How many women can honestly say that?  

Ending on a good note…middle-class mom's out there, make sure you take the time to stop and appreciate who you have in your life not what you have.  Your UGG boots can’t wipe your tears and your North Face jacket can’t cheer you on, but those girlfriends that answer their cell phones at 8:50 am when they are trying to get their kids out the door to school CAN!  Even though all of my chicks were not at this particular celebration, I hope you girls (KC, KM, JW, CC, AB, JM, JH…and whoever I forgot) know how much you mean to me!  I love you all SOOOOO much!  I would slash tires for you!!! ;-)  

Day 10: What Are You Looking At?

Why is it whenever I have to discipline (scold/lecture) one of my children in public there is a single, middle-aged white woman staring at me like I just beat my child?  This is beyond irritating to me for several reasons!  

First of all, if I did not correct my children the same middle-aged white woman would be wondering why I didn't.  Probably claiming, "That’s what's wrong with the youth today"...  

Second of all, YOU DONT HAVE ANY CHILDREN!!!  If you do not care for children on a regular basis and do not have any of your own you have NO RIGHT to stare at me when I am lecturing my child about why it is disrespectful to back-talk his parents.  

Finally, it is not polite to stare!!! I lecture my children day, after day, after day about how RUDE it is to stare!!!!!!  Well, you know what?  Tonight I told my four children to turn and stare at the middle-aged white woman staring at us.  Maybe then she got the freakin' hint!!!

To all those women out there who stare at Moms while correcting their children, BEWARE!  I am the wrong one to be staring at!!!  I will embarrass you by pointing you out because I do not care if by doing so I embarrass myself! 

Ending on a good note...my children know they must follow the rules whether in public or at home.  Due to that fact, whenever my children go on play dates I receive nothing but compliments on how well-behaved they are.  Looks like I’m doing something right middle-aged white lady who stares.  So suck it!   

Day 9 (12 hrs late): Chew With Your Mouth Shut Moo Cow!

Well...as planned I opened my eyes today to see every POP of color around me! 

I was sitting in a restaurant today, alone, in a corner booth, peacefully eating a hot meal by myself.  (Those of you who are mommies appreciate the rarity of this occasion).  I was enjoying the food, the music playing, and the unique decor of the restaurant.  Suddenly, all this peacefulness and serenity was interrupted by a CRUNCH!!!

I usually pick a restaurant where I am in "like middle-class" company.  Therefore it is assumed the guests have been raised in a home, not in a barn, and are capable of eating like humans instead of cows.  However, on this particular occasion my booth neighbors stomped that rule all to Hell, Michigan (actually a town, look it up). 

Those of you who know me personally understand that I have no tolerance for poor table manners!!! How do socialized people grow from children into adults thinking it is ok to go out to eat, with other people around them, and CHEW and CRUNCH and SPIT their food?!?! 

With that in mind, I have decided to take this opportunity to educated those who may be reading whom were never taught table manners.  Please see rules below: 

1.      Sweatpants with holes and an old t-shirt are not proper attire to a middle-class restaurant.  (If there is a drive thru window you are NOT at a middle-class restaurant.  If there is a napkin and a wine glass on the table you should just leave because you will embarrass yourself).

2.      When you are served your food, sit down before you take a bite.

3.      Use your silverware unless you are eating a burger, taco or such.

4.      Use your napkin not your sleeve or pants legs to wipe your mouth or hands on.

5.      DO NOT CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH OPEN!!!  (If you chew with your mouth open and see NOTHING wrong with it…stick to the restaurants with the drive through windows where it is expected and accepted because you look like a cow chewing its cud.  If you have no idea what a cow’s cud is…again, stick to the drive thru restaurants…preferably using the drive thru).

6.      DO NOT TALK WITH YOUR MOUTH FULL!!! (I have not encountered a person who enjoys being sprayed by food their neighbor is eating.  It is gross.  Stop it!).

7.      When you are finished eating DO NOT slurp, suck or pick the food from your teeth.  (This is also disgusting).

8.       If you are confused by any of these rules, just stay at home and eat…while you are home read a book on table manners and etiquette. 

      

*The above titles can be found at www.barnesandnoble.com .*

Ending on a good note… Unfortunately, the only pops of color I was able to see today were that of chewed tortilla chips and hot salsa spraying from my neighbor’s mouth!!! Wasn't the inspiration I was hoping for, but inspiring none-the-less.